"Hey, my USB key-chain drive fits in my belly button." - Ken Nign
(177)
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"There's more Willie where that came from." - Pat O'Brien
(176)
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"Is there a melody - that could lead you to me - like a lullubied child lead to sleep? So for for one moment in time, you'd find that you're mine. And softly I'd kiss you and weep." - Rob Dougan (Drinking Song)
(175)
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"When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is probably wrong." - Arthur C. Clarke
(174)
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"It's a good thing money can't buy happiness. We couldn't stand the commercials." - David Gerrold
(173)
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"Can anyone smell that...it's the infectous scent of love." - Ralph Garman (Joe Schmo 2)
(172)
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"I'm bossy?! You're so bossy you ought to be milked before you come home at night." - George Nader (Robot Monster) Info
(171)
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"When the weather gets bad, some people go mad. So let's have fun, here we go." - "Odd Country Singer" (Legend of the Dinosaur) Info
(170)
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"Your pants smell like pancakes." - Kristy Nign
(169)
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"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." - Philip K. Dick
(168)
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"I have written and sold 23 novels, and all are terrible except one. But I am not sure which one." - Philip K. Dick
(167)
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"The more complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of play." - William Shatner (Star Trek)
(166)
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"Being smart is so hard." - Seann William Scott (American Wedding)
(165)
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"My son is sitting here with his hand glued to his penis. But that doesn't mean anything to you, does it? Because you don't have a penis. Or maybe you do!" - Eugene Levy (American Pie 2)
(164)
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"Yeah, I kinda Super Glued myself...to, uh, myself." - Jason Biggs (American Pie 2)
(163)
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"Dude, wombat's leavin' the cave!" - Jason Biggs (Deleted scene from American Pie 2)
(162)
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"Aren't instruments fun?" - Alyson Hannigan (American Pie 2)
(161)
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"Guests bring food. Food attracts animals. This one time, a bear came, and then the bear had to be destroyed, which means they shot it in the head with a rifle and killed it and it died." - Matthew Peters (American Pie 2)
(160)
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"Oh, my romatic life is past its peak. Take me out to the pasture and shoot me." - Eddie Kaye Thomas (American Pie 2)
(159)
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"Ahh, I can taste the bubbles...actually I can't." - Seann William Scott (American Pie 2)
(158)
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"Oh, thank you God for this wonderful wonderful day." - Jason Biggs (American Pie)
(157)
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"It almost looks like a tropical plant, under water." - Eugene Levy (American Pie)
(156)
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"Yeti! I am the Yeti!" - ? (American Pie)
(155)
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"Cynicism is the Devil's poison." - Jerry Lacy (Dark Shadows) Info
(154)
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"Curiosity is the Devil's currency." - Jerry Lacy (Dark Shadows) Info
(153)
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"I will not take pencils to paper and trace the Devil's handwork." - Jerry Lacy (Dark Shadows) Info
(152)
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"Doubt is a seed that grows a demon tree." - Jerry Lacy (Dark Shadows) Info
(151)
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"Unless it's got orcs, elves or Liv Tyler in it. I ain't interested." - Ken Nign
(150)
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"My community does not need astronauts defying gravity in front of my children." "That's right, driving their moon buggies though our neighborhoods all time of night. Playin' that theme to 2001 really loud on their cosmo-blasters." - Amy Poehler & Matt Besser (Upright Citizens Brigade) Info
(149)
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"If the Lord had intended for man to walk on the moon, then we had been born with cement feet." - Matt Besser (Upright Citizens Brigade) Info
(148)
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"We don't need no moon-cheese babies!" - Matt Besser (Upright Citizens Brigade) Info
(147)
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"...the first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization." - Sigmund Freud
(146)
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"Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility." - Sigmund Freud
(145)
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"Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it." - Mark Twain
(144)
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"If the human body's obscene, complain to the manufacturer, not me." - Larry Flynt
(143)
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"The Shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's throat, for which the sheep thanks the shephard as a liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as a destroyer of liberty." - Abraham Lincoln
(142)
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"Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally." - Abraham Lincoln
(141)
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"Every vision is a joke until the first man accomplishes it; once realized, it becomes commonplace." - Dr. Robert H. Goddard Info
(140)
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"...it has often proved true that the dream of yesterday is the hope of today, and the reality of tomorrow." - Dr. Robert H. Goddard Info
(139)
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"This computer makes me all frowny with pure nougat-filled hatred!" - Jhonen Vasquez
(138)
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"They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction." - Janet Reno
(137)
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"Contrary to popular belief, Unix is user friendly. It just happens to be very selective about who it decides to make friends with." - Anon.
(136)
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"The best computer is a man, and it's the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor." - Wernher Von Braun
(135)
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"If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in." - Bradley's Bromide
(134)
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"UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity." - Dennis Ritchie
(133)
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"If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside." - Robert Cringely
(132)
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"Mmm, the chicken is making love with my tongue." - Ken Nign (After eating a BK chicken strip)
(131)
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"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." - Jody Falk
(130)
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"The monster can destroy everything with its tongue." - ? (Gamara versus Barugon) Info
(129)
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"A man's knowledge is like an expanding sphere, the surface corresponding to the boundary between the known and the unknown. As the sphere grows, so does its surface; the more a man learns, the more he realizes how much he doesn't know. Hence, the most ignorant man thinks he knows it all." - L. Sprague de Camp
(128)
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"The trouble with getting in free is that you can't get your money back." - David McDaniel
(127)
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"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." - Aldous Huxley
(126)
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"Science is made up of many things that appear obvious after they are explained." - Frank Herbert
(125)
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"The joy of living, its beauty, is all bound up in the fact that life can surprise you." - Frank Herbert
(124)
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"Law-and-order candidates are rarely dangerous to criminals." - David Gerrold
(123)
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"The right to criticise the American government is strictly an American right-and it is the right that Americans will most vigorously defend against outsiders. Only an American can say terrible things about the American government and mean it as wholeheartedly as he does." - David Gerrold
(122)
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"Well, sure, the government lies, and the newspapers lie, but in a democracy thay aren't the same lies." - Alexis A. Gilliland
(121)
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"He who frights and runs away lives to run away another day." - Bob Shaw
(120)
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"Those who abhor history are compelled to rewrite it." - David Gerrold
(119)
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"Money is a power aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well." - Robert A. Heinlein
(118)
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"Being right means never having to say you're sorry." - Vernor Vinge
(117)
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"Ugliness is nature's contraceptive." - Gregory Benford
(116)
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"If you can't be chic, be odd." - Cary Grant (The Grass is Greener)
(115)
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"Just because it's free doesn't mean it has to suck." - Ken Nign
(114)
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"If you're not a Democrat by the age of 25, you have no heart; and if you're not a Republican by 35 you have no brain." - Anon.
(113)
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"Humans rule, dolphins can suck it!" - Matt Walsh (Upright Citizens Brigade) Info
(112)
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"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius." - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Valley of Fear)
(111)
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"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." - Ronald Reagan
(110)
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"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance." - Confucius
(109)
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"Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its pupils." - Hector-Louis Berlioz
(108)
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"Self-education is, I firmly believe, the only kind of education there is." - Isacc Asimov
(107)
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"Wit is educated insolence." - Aristotle
(106)
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"There was never a genius without a tincture of insanity." - Aristotle
(105)
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"I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it." - Steven Wright
(104)
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"My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them." - Steven Wright
(103)
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"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out." - Steven Wright
(102)
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"I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping." - Steven Wright
(101)
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"I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone." - Steven Wright
(100)
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"I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again." - Steven Wright
(99)
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"42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot." - Steven Wright
(98)
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"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research." - Steven Wright
(97)
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"Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?" - Steven Wright
(96)
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"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?" - Steven Wright
(95)
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"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." - Steven Wright
(94)
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"I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle." - Alfred Hitchcock
(93)
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"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." - A. Whitney Brown
(92)
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"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" - Steven Wright
(91)
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"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff." - Steven Wright
(90)
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"Yesterday I was walking down the street wearing my eyeglasses and all of a sudden my prescription ran out." - Steven Wright
(89)
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"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time." - Steven Wright
(88)
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"Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of Government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time." - Winston Churchill
(87)
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"Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on." - Winston Churchill
(86)
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"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." - Mel Brooks
(85)
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"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with." - Marty Feldman
(84)
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"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." - Benjamin Franklin
(83)
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"A great many laws in a country, like many physicians, is a sign of malady." - Francois Marie Arouet Voltaire
(82)
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"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." - Thomas Jefferson
(81)
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"Those who suppress freedom always do so in the name of law and order." - John V. Lindsay
(80)
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"If mankind minus one were of one opinion, then mankind is no more justified in silencing the one than the one - if he had the power - would be justified in silencing mankind." - John Stuart Mill
(79)
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"Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity." - Irving Kristol
(78)
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"Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right." - H. L. Mencken
(77)
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"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." - Groucho Marx
(76)
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"Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof." - Galbraith's Law
(75)
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"It's dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." - Francois Marie Arouet Voltaire
(74)
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"Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon." - E.M. Forster
(73)
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"In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant." - Charles de Gaulle
(72)
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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Benjamin Franklin
(71)
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"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!" - Benjamin Franklin
(70)
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"A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until a majority of voters discover that they can vote themselves largess out of the public treasury." - Alexander Tytler
(69)
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"After all, facts are facts, and although we may quote one to another with a chuckle the words of the Wise Statesman, "Lies - damn lies - and statistics," still there are some easy figures the simplest must understand, and the astutest cannot wriggle out of." - Leonard H. Courtney
(68)
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"The square on the hypotenuse equals the sum of the squares on the other two sides." - Pythagoras's theorem
(67)
|
"Live as if you will die tomorrow but learn as if you will live forever." - Mahatma Ghandi
(66)
|
"Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows." - Shakespeare's The Tempest
(65)
|
"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em." - Shakespeare's Twelfth Night
(64)
|
"When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions." - Shakespeare's Hamlet
(63)
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"Who wooed in haste, and means to wed at leisure." - Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew
(62)
|
"Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far." - West African Proverb via Teddy Roosevelt Info
(61)
|
"I never could bring myself to trust a traitor...not even a traitor I created." - Frank Herbert (Dune)
(60)
|
"The concept of progress acts as a protective mechanism to shield us from the terrors of the future." - Frank Herbert (Dune)
(59)
|
"Put the Combat Rod in postion." - Francis X. Bushman (The Phantom Planet) Info
(58)
|
"Chess is a fun sport, when played with shot guns." - MegaHAL Info
(57)
|
"The rain washes memories from the glands of cows." - MegaHAL Info
(56)
|
"Can we set fire to belt buckles with bananas?" - MegaHAL Info
(55)
|
"Within my penguin lies a torrid story of hate and love." - MegaHAL Info
(54)
|
"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound of one or more numbers represented in digital form." - MegaHAL Info
(53)
|
"Cows fly like clouds but they are never completely successful." - MegaHAL Info
(52)
|
"All families should have three children. In case one of them turns out to be a genius, there will be two others to support him." - B. Gwinn in Chicago
(51)
|
"A book is a loaded gun in the house next door. Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man?" - Ray Bradbury (Fahrenheit 451)
(50)
|
"Science is no more than an investigation of a miracle we can never explain, and art is an interpretation of that miracle." - Ray Bradbury (The Martian Chronicles)
(49)
|
"To suspect your own mortality is to know the beginning of terror; to learn irrefutably that you are mortal is to know the end of terror." - Frank Herbert (Children of Dune)
(48)
|
"To stay awake all night adds a day to your life." - Frank Herbert (Children of Dune)
(47)
|
"Every judgment teeters on the brink of error. To claim absolute knowledge is to become monstrous. Knowledge is an unending adventure at the edge of uncertainty." - Frank Herbert (Children of Dune)
(46)
|
"The surest way to keep a secret is to make people believe they already know the answer." - Frank Herbert (Children of Dune)
(45)
|
"The purpose of argument is to change the nature of truth." - Frank Herbert (Children of Dune)
(44)
|
"Ideas are most to be feared when they become actions." - Frank Herbert (Dune Messiah)
(43)
|
"I must speak otherwise than I think. This is called diplomacy." - Frank Herbert (Dune Messiah)
(42)
|
"Truth suffers from too much analysis." - Frank Herbert (Dune Messiah)
(41)
|
"The mind commands the body and it obeys. The mind orders itself and meets resistance." - Frank Herbert (Dune)
(40)
|
"...the mystery of life isn't a problem to solve, but a reality to experience." - Frank Herbert (Dune)
(39)
|
"Justice will only exist where those not effected by injustice are filled with the same amount of indignation as those offended." - Plato
(38)
|
"Such clever boys deserve crackers with their milk." - Ginny Tyler (A Gumby Adventure: Robot Rumpus) Info
(37)
|
"Good chicks come from good eggs." - Narrator (The Chicken of Tomorrow) Info
(36)
|
"Wash your hair on the same day each week." - Narrator (Keeping Clean and Neat) Info
(35)
|
"I like the smell of fresh wood chips and sawdust." - "Joe" (Why Study Industrial Arts?) Info
(34)
|
"First, she feels the cake. Then, she tastes it." - Narrator (A Day at the Fair) Info
(33)
|
"Pleasant, unemotional conversation helps the digestion." - Narrator (A Date with your Family) Info
(32)
|
"Everybody keeps talking about teenagers as if we were a bunch of freaks or something!" - "Bill" (What About Juvenile Delinquency) Info
(31)
|
"So you were caught...exposed in front of the class." - Narrator (Cheating) Info
(30)
|
"It goes without saying that only clean lingerie should go next to that clean skin." - Narrator (Body Care and Grooming) Info
(29)
|
"Use plenty of lip and tongue action." - Prof. E.C. Buehler (Speech: Using Your Voice) Info
(28)
|
"Oh, don't touch it! Let me do that." - Donna Leigh Drake (Track of the Moon Beast) Info
(27)
|
"It's right underneath us!" "I knowwwww!" - Cinthia Stewart & Lawrence Morgant (Devil Fish) Info
(26)
|
"I succeed every time with an inanimate object. If only I could do the same thing with a living creature." - Bryant Halliday (The Projected Man) Info
(25)
|
"Come closer!" "I'm close enough, thank you anyway. The stench of your foul breath is more than my stomach can stand!" - Joji Oda & Tatsuo Umemiya (Prince of Space) Info
(24)
|
"You there! Discharge the caustic vapors!" - Joji Oda (Prince of Space) Info
(23)
|
"Oh, don't be angry, hunchback fairy!" - Eduard Izotov (Jack Frost (1965)) Info
(22)
|
"You're so dumb, you wouldn't know rabbit turds from Rice Krispies." - Robert Easton (The Gaint Spider Invasion) Info
(21)
|
"I'll do my exploring in the laboratory, if you don't mind." - Ward Costello (Terror from the Year 5000) Info
(20)
|
"Rest thy corpulence." - Allison Hayes (The Undead) Info
(19)
|
"Yeah, these archaeologists are always interested in old chests." - Jeffrey Stone (The Thing that Couldn't Die) Info
(18)
|
"Archaeologists are underpaid publicity agents for deceased royalty." - John Agar (The Mole People) Info
(17)
|
"He's chained, and you have the bull prod." - Lori Nelson (Revenge of the Creature) Info
(16)
|
"Flag on the Moon...how did it get there?" - Narrator (The Beast of Yucca Flats) Info
(15)
|
"Making love to an 80 year old woman in the body of a 20 year old girl is insanity." - Bradford Dillman (The Atomic Brain) Info
(14)
|
"I won't try to make you a bad woman, if you stop tryin' to make me a good man." - John Ireland (Gunslinger) Info
(13)
|
"We use men to breed with us to create future warrior women. Then we dispose of them." - Jennifer Delora (Robot Holocaust) Info
(12)
|
"Dames like this always have beer around." - ? (The Crawling Hand) Info
(11)
|
"Time for go to bed." - Tor Johnson (The Unearthly) Info
(10)
|
"When we return to our planet, the high court may well sentence you to torture!" - Robert Moody (Teenagers from Outer Space) Info
(9)
|
"Maybe there's a manual here to tell us how to do it." - Cindy Butler (Boggy Creek II: and the Legend Continues) Info
(8)
|
"I saw the little creature." - Charles B. Pierce (Boggy Creek II: and the Legend Continues) Info
(7)
|
"Oh, God, I wish I had that pretty mind back!" - Bara Byrnes (Girl in Gold Boots) Info
(6)
|
"What you talkin' 'bout Willis?!" - Gary Coleman
(5)
|
"Now I have to start back at Square Root!" - Kristy Nign
(4)
|
"Rock 'n Roll Martian...Rock 'n Roll Martian." - Struan Robertson (Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders) Info
(3)
|
"I told you it's broke." - Ken Nign
(2)
|
"Yew think yew kin take me? Go 'head on. It's yer move." - Joe Don Baker (Final Justice) Info
(1)
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